Kolkata shirt raisers

Team name: Kolkata Shirt raisers (named after their favourite son you-know-who’s famous act at ‘Lords’-know-where)

Owner: SRK
Slogan: Jeetna mushkil hi nahin, naa munkin hain
(And it turned out to be true!)

Team Management:
Dada - Captain cum shirt riser err…fund riser

Coach: Steve Waugh (SRK wanted him in spite of Dada’s request to hire John Wright. SRK found that Udayan (a charity organisation run by Steve) children have voted Aamir Khan as the best actor. So he wanted to market himself through Steve).

Batting Coach: Greg Chappell (Again, SRK rules - dada said that Kolkata crowd will be volatile against Greg to which SRK said – Main hoon na.)

Bio mechanist and Assistant Batting Coach: Ian Frazer (Because Greg Chappell always comes in a package with this guy. It is rumoured that Greg can stay away from his wife for months but not from this guy!)

Sledging Coach: Javed Miandad (SRK believes that his team needs a sledging coach and identified Miandad as the potential candidate. Dada, to oppose SRK, proposed Venkatesh Prasad as his nominee!!!)

Fielding Coach: Farah Khan (Fielding is about moving your hands and legs –SRK. Dada wanted Geoffrey Boycott but SRK said he wanted a ‘genuine fielder’ to be his fielding coach)

Media Manager: Inzamam-Ul-Haq( SRK nominee. Dada wanted Aamir Sohail but SRK jumped when he heard ‘Aamir’. SRK vetoed Dada saying Taare Zameen par nahin mere poster par hote hain)

Casting Coa(u)ch (Shakti Kapoor: SRK wanted help from Shakti Kapoor to cast players for his team. Shakti immediately said yes when he heard ‘casting’. He did not hear that he had to select men!!!)

Bowling Coach: Geoffrey Boycott (This was the last vacancy left and Dada told SRK that Geoffrey was a legendary ‘bowler’ for England who took a wicket whenever he was asked to bowl. SRK was not told how many times Geoffrey was asked to bowl)

SRK recruited Ricky Ponting, Shane Warne, Graeme Smith, Andrew Flintoff (Dada wanted none of them as all of them had altercations with dada at some point but SRK ko manana mushkil hain) beside a host of local and national talent. They organised a 3 day camp for the players before the start of the tournament.

After the camp, the media meets with the media manager.

Media Meeting: Inzamam is with the reporters to explain the day’s practice.

Reporter: How was the practice session inzy?
Inzy: Bismillah…. Sabse pahle allah ka shukr hain. The boys played well. They catch the balls, hit the balls of Geoffrey and dance the legs of Farah. Boys practiced really hard.

Rep: How is it working with stars like Dada, Warne, Ponting, Graeme Smith and of course SRK.

Inzy: They all are below the earth. No attitude showings. Boys practiced really hard

Rep: Why do you have so many coaches when other teams have only one or two?

Inzy: We have so many boys from different countries. All play together for Kolkata. Boys practiced really hard. We have no problems.

Rep: (Little frustrated that his question has not been answered) we wanted to know as to why you have these many coaches.

Inzy: Inshallah we will win the trophy. When the balls are there our batsmen will hit. When we field, our bowlers will bowl all balls line and length. All boys practiced really hard.

Rep: We heard that you have a casting coach as well? Why do you think such a coach is required and of all people why Shakti Kapoor?

Inzy: We believe in experience. More experience more knowledge…more knowledge more experience. Shakti is experienced in Casting for movies. Here it’s not different. Boys selected will be practicing hard.

Rep: Why did you select Geoffrey as your bowling coach?

Inzy: Geoffrey is old and experienced. We believe this gets our bowlers gets the balls in the right areas. Good batsmen know what bowlers do and Geoffrey is a good batsmen.

Rep: Will you be the one coming after every match for the media meeting, Inzy?

Inzy: Cricket is a team game. All 11 play cricket and team wins. But, I’m responsible for talking to media. I talk and you hear till the tournament ends. Boys practiced really hard.

There were no more questions since none of the reporters stayed after this!!!